Day Four: A Myth [05 Dec 2009|01:08am] dbarrymoresbeau DAY FOUR OF HOLLMANN HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA What's the one thing young, attractive people and older, extremely sad people do every year, without exception, at Christmas? Try to desperately to get a kiss under the mistletoe. But which is the desperate one? It's the truth. You can try to chuckle and play it off like you know it's lame, but everyone wants a kiss under the mistletoe. For one thing, we can get some action without being creepy. I mean, hey, it's just a holiday tradition, nothing more. For another...well, no, I'm sure that's the main reason. And yeah, people try to be hokey about it. "Oh-ho, the mistletoe," people exclaim in odd voices, as though it's a tradition they're only honoring as a goof. But you like it. Admit it. It seems odd, of course, that this tradition exists. Indeed, many times it seems as though the only thing keeping it alive is desperation and drunken Christmas parties. Think about it: what's so romantic about a plant whose berries would cause diarrhea if devoured? Some claim that its origins date back to Norse myhtology. So there's this god Baldr, right? He's all about beauty and love and being happy and just, like, positive vibes, man. Ah, but Baldr and his mother, Frigga, keep having fucked up dreams about him dying, so Frigga forces all the objects of the world to never harm him. The only thing she does not force into this deal is Mistletoe, because it's too small and insignificant to do anything. Loki learns this, and because he is the mischief-maker, he makes mischief out of this. He makes a spear out of mistletoe and gives it to Baldr's blind brother. The gods hurl stuff at Baldr for shits and gigs (don't we all have a friend like that?), and Baldr's blind brother throws the spear. It kills Baldr, Odin's son kills the blind one, Thor kicks a dwarf into the funeral pyre, and snake venom drips onto Loki's face after he is tethered to rocks. Aw, crap. Winter falls upon the all the lands, until the gods bring Baldr back to life. Frigga enchants the mistletoe, making it a sacred plant that would now bring love instead of death. They're opposites, you know. When we kiss under the mistletoe, it is a celebration of the resurrection of Baldr, a testament t mistletoe never harming another living soul, ever. Except, you know, for the diarrhea. Today, it is best-known as the clue that tips off Selena Kyle and Bruce Wayne to each other's true identities in Batman Returns. For some reason, they like to recite an odd little rhyme about how "Mistletoe can be deadly, if you eat it/But a kiss can be even deadlier, if you mean it." Okay, so it doesn't really rhyme, but it feels like that's what they were going for. They make this discovery at the Christmas party held by department store owner Max Schreck, which is soon crashed by a vengeful Penguin. Christmas. Oh, and here's something cool. Mistletoe can probe beneath tree bark so that it can suck up nutrients and water during a drought. Because of this, it is called...the vampire plant. Not to be confused with the vampire fruit. There's a very good reason Why the holiday season Is a wonderful time For a boy and girl to fall in love 'Cause Santa and Cupid Planned exactly what you did When you kissed me by the mistletoe above We stood there kissin' by the mistletoe Tingle, tingle (tingle, tingle) Mmm and away we go Jingle, jingle Kissin' by the mistletoe, love came to stay And now it's Christmas every day There's a heavenly treasure More than money can measure In the gift you get when you give your love And I can tell (kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss) 'Cause whenever it's Christmas If I never get this much He ran my heart I remember very well We stood there kissin' by the mistletoe Tingle, tingle (tingle, tingle) Mmm and away we go Jingle, jingle Kissin' by the mistletoe, love came to stay And now it's Christmas every day I said now it's Christmas every day Oh yeah And now it's Christmas every day post comment

Day Two: A Review [02 Dec 2009|09:00pm] dbarrymoresbeau DAY TWO OF HOLLMANN HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA We made merry last night as my roommate and I hosted a large, impromptu party to honor one of the greatest Christmas movies I have ever seen: Love Actually. I find Love Actually to be such a curious piece. It's schmaltzy, overly sentimental, cliche-ridden...and yet delightful, funny, touching. The DVD cover dubs it "The Ultimate Romantic-Comedy." I dare not disagree. The movie has everything I could ask for: an ensemble cast, a British setting, Christmas and musical numbers. I've felt a kinship with this movie since I first saw it on HBO in November of 2004. We had just returned from a Thanksgiving in Ponte Vedra, Florida. I had just enough time to walk in, unpack, and turn on my TV. I knew Love Actually was coming on from all the promos, and ever since I Ms. Bohuney recommended it in Spanish III, this movie intrigued me. Besides...Alan Rickman. Anyway, I watched it that night. Then I watched the encore. Then I saw it again a week later. And when I got it for Christmas from Aunt Karin, you can bet I was the happiest little boy on God's green Earth. Love Actually gets extra props for actually being about Christmas. The storyline between Alan Rickman and Heike Makatsch could only work on Christmas -- the only other option is Valentine's Day, and you can't be blind to that kind of behavior on Valentine's Day. Bill Nighy's storyline acknowledges how crass and commercial the season is, only to show a cynic touched by the True Spirit. They fucking singing "All I Want for Christmas is You"! Besides, to quote the movie, "Christmas is a time to be with people you love." Eff yeah. And yes, you know what song is going up. I do it every year, and this is most appropriate. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes, Christmas is all around me, and so the feeling grows It's written in the wind, It's everywhere I go, So if you really love Christmas, C'mon and let it snow? You know I love Christmas I always will My mind's made up The way that I feel There's no beginning There'll be no end Cuz on Christmas, You can depend You gave your presents to me And I gave mine to you I need Santa beside me In everything I do You know I love Christmas I always will My mind's made up The way that I feel There's no beginning There'll be no end Cuz on Christmas, You can depend Cuz on Christmas, You can depend It's written on the wind It's everywhere I go So if you really love me C'mon and let it snow? C'mon and let it snow? So if you really love C'mon and let it If you really love me C'mon and let it Now if you really love me C'mon and let it snow? 1 comment|post comment

Day 1: An Introduction [01 Dec 2009|06:29pm] dbarrymoresbeau DAY ONE OF HOLLMANN HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA: It's finally arrived! Another month of reindeer, carols, Santa, turkey, Hallmark movies and visions of sugarplums dancing in your head. A waltz, perhaps? A cha-cha? That's for your own psyche to determine. Meanwhile, we've got bigger fish to fry. The first HHE post is always an awkward one. Do I provide a holiday fact? Make an observation about society? Try to connect Woody Allen's 74th birthday to some aspect of the holiday season? Usually, I hope I can just tread water or come up with a plan for the whole month. What I'm going to try to do is this: (a) delve into as much Wikipedia as I can to provide new and interesting holiday trivia, (b) review a number of holiday films, and (c) teach new holiday songs. The usual usual. So, although today there may be nothing, tonight I am going to be watching a Christmas movie. Expect a review tomorrow as I discuss what the movie means to me, to Christmas, and my general opinion of it. I apologize for the shrug that is this first post. Rest assured, my friends and fans, that the next twenty-five days are going to be awesome. And to prove it, I'm going to entice you with a song from The Waitresses. You may remember their hit song "I Know What Boys Like," most recently used in trailers for the fantastic Jennifer's Body. Well, it turns out they recorded a hit holiday tune, "Christmas Wrapping", released in 1981. The song is popular enough to have been covered by The Donnas (for Shrek the Halls), Miranda Cosgrove (for Drake and Josh) and the Spice Girls (for shits and gigs). Honestly: it's a pretty B.A. song: "Bah, humbug!" No, that's too strong 'Cause it is my favorite holiday But all this year's been a busy blur Don't think I have the energy To add to my already mad rush Just 'cause it's 'tis the season. The perfect gift for me would be Completions and connections left from Last year, ski shop, Encounter, most interesting. Had his number but never the time Most of '81 passed along those lines. So deck those halls, trim those trees Raise up cups of Christmas cheer, I just need to catch my breath, Christmas by myself this year. Calendar picture, frozen landscape, Chilled this room for twenty-four days, Evergreens, sparkling snow Get this winter over with! Flashback to springtime, saw him again, Would've been good to go for lunch, Couldn't agree when we were both free, We tried, we said we'd keep in touch. Didn't, of course, 'til summertime, Out to the beach to his boat could I join him? No, this time it was me, Sunburn in the third degree. Now the calendar's just one page And, of course, I am excited Tonight's the night, but I've set my mind Not to do too much about it. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! But I think I'll miss this one this year. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! But I think I'll miss this one this year. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! But I think I'll miss this one this year. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! But I think I'll miss this one this year. Hardly dashing through the snow Cause I bundled up too tight Last minute have-to-do's A few cards a few calls 'Cause it's r-s-v-p No thanks, no party lights It's Christmas Eve, gonna relax Turned down all of my invites. Last fall I had a night to myself, Same guy called, halloween party, Waited all night for him to show, This time his car wouldn't go, Forget it, it's cold, it's getting late, Trudge on home to celebrate In a quiet way, unwind Doing Christmas right this time. A&P has provided me With the world's smallest turkey Already in the oven, nice and hot Oh damn! Guess what I forgot? So on with the boots, back out in the snow To the only all-night grocery, When what to my wondering eyes should appear In the line is that guy I've been chasing all year! "I'm spending this one alone," he said. "Need a break; this year's been crazy." I said, "Me too, but why are you? You mean you forgot cranberries too?" Then suddenly we laughed and laughed Caught on to what was happening That Christmas magic's brought this tale To a very happy ending! " Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Couldn't miss this one this year! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Couldn't miss this one this year! 3 comments|post comment

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